My share of love

"What have you done Anita. This is not how it's done. Just a week for the presentation and you have spoilt it all. Dammit!" Tanmay almost screamed throwing the pen on the ground in frustration. Kavita quickly supported Anita as she jerked back.
"Hey Tanmay! Calm down. She has just joined. Give her some appreciation for what she did with such time constraint." Pranav said as he patted Tanmay's shoulder when Tanmay bowed to pick the pen up.
The anger took a sharp turn towards Pranav "You toh better shut up. It's all because of your Palak, that the work has been delayed so much. I am unfortunately the so called 'leader' of the team and it's me who has to answer that filthy creature in the cabin."
"Listen Tanmay! Don't blame Palak. It wasn't her incapability but her bad luck that she couldn't continue with us. She even asked me to allow her to work from the hospital with her fractured leg tied to a traction, but I straightaway denied. So, precisely, it's because of me and I will mend it." Pranav's voice was laden with anger, but in his anger sounded his self-confidence.
"Fine. Then take this." Tanmay handed Anita's laptop to Pranav in a reflex. Had he not held it actively, it was gone. Anita looked at Pranav with a sigh of relief and both walked out of the room.
'Thank you' was trying to come out of Anita's mouth but she was pushing it in every time and finally, before 'thank you' could win, Pranav said, "Don't mind what Tanmay said. He is just worried about his appraisal and all.... By the way, I am sorry. I clarified on your behalf, even though I know that you are capable enough to do it yourself. But I also knew that you won't do it yourself..."
At such a humble gesture the 'thank you' was almost ready to fall out until Pranav completed his sentence, "because you know that you are wrong here." Anita had to put effort to keep her head lowered to avoid her shocked eyes from being noticed and the 'thank you' that had almost reached the tongue, retracted deep inside and hid somewhere in her appendix. But Pranav continued, "You could have asked ME Anita. I am always ready to help."
Yes, she definitely could have and she would rather love to. She would love to be in the company of Pranav, she would love to watch him speak with expressions, she would love to share light moments with him, to share happiness and sorrows with him, to share her time with him...lifetime. Ah! But if she started on this path, it will be hard for her to hide her love for him and once it's un-hidden, it will be impossible for her to share him with anyone. And by anyone, she meant Palak.
Pranav and Palak were too much together, from the first time she had seen them, up till now. Few days after Anita had joined office, one evening she happened to meet with these two. It was 8 pm when the long meeting ended. By the way, Pranav's presentation had already impressed Anita and she too had tried her best to give impressing views in the meeting and it seemingly worked. After the meeting, she sat in the reception area and opened her OLA app to book a ride. Pranav and a pretty girl walked past her, talking,
"Arey I said na. I can go by myself." the girl said.
"Just shut up!" the tone wasn't harsh, it was just a caring bold tone. "I will drop you. You can definitely go when I am not anymo..." Pranav's statement drew her anger even before he could complete it and she started hitting him with her purse in loving irritation.
"Arrey arrey. I meant..." Pranav tried to speak, jerkily dodging her blows, but the girl kept hitting him and they moved outside the glass door, thus no more clearly audible, though they were clearly visible. All Anita could hear hereafter were the words "love" and "marriage" and all that she could see was them hugging. That was sufficient to give her an indication of Pranav not being 'single'. Fine, none of her business. But it soon had to be.

She noticed them looking at her and talking something and so, she pretended to be busy in her app. She faked to be indulged into extreme typing, forgetting that OLA is not a chat app. She could sense someone coming towards her. "No. No. No Anita. Don't look up. Nope." she controlled herself and waited for the footsteps to halt before her.
"Hey! I am Palak." the girl extended her hand for a handshake.
"Hi! I am..." Anita sounded bit hesitant as she offered her hand.
"Anita. I know" Palak grinned, "You got famous in the very first meeting dude. Brilliant views."
"Thanks." Anita smiled, though quite reluctantly.
"By the way, where have you to go? We can drop you. It's dark." Palak behaved formally yet friendly.
"No, it's okay. I'll book a cab." Anita formally replied.
"Oh come on! I am asking you on purpose. I too will have someone to talk to. Otherwise Pranav will bore me with his age old music." Here formality was tuned down close to zero and friendliness took over.
"Okae. Thank you." Anita smiled again, this time not so reluctantly.
"I thank YOU rather, for accepting the proposal. You can thank him if you want. Our driver." she said indicating towards Pranav, who stood metres away on the opposite side of the glass door. As Anita laughingly looked at Pranav, he smilingly waved, not knowing what the naughty Palak has addressed him that had made Anita laugh.
They went and both took the back seat.
"I? Alone?" the puzzled Pranav asked.
"Don't try to divide women. Otherwise...And, by the way we don't talk unnecessarily to the driver. Keep quiet and drive us home." Palak was in full mood to roast Pranav.
"Arghhhh. Fine." he said irritatingly shrugging his shoulders and then asked politely to Anita, "Where?"
"Marigold Apartments, 2 kms on the right lane of Naya Bazaar tiraha." Anita's statement seemed like a pre-recorded tape, well practiced and fluent. She had been saying this to the taxi driver everyday.
"Me, Tulip Apartments, 4 kms on the left lane of Naya Bazaar Tiraha." Palak said naughtily matching Anita's tone.
"I know." Pranav rolled his eyes up at Palak and then added in a serious tone, "Okay then we shall drop Anita first."
Anita again gave a formal smile. Though, inside her there were little jumping 'thank you', 'you are so sweet' and 'I am impressed', trying to come out every now and then, but she stopped them with the barrier of 'he isn't single'.
Shortly after that Palak's phone rang.
"Yes Dad... In your cupboard Dad.... Whattt... Arey check properly... The second rack... How come.... What happened to the old one....offo dad.... Okay I am just coming. Yes yes earliest." She kept the phone and turned up her face looking at Pranav's eyes in the rear view mirror to say something.
"Will drop you first. Don't worry." He said even before she uttered a word.
"But is that okay for you Anita?" Palak turned towards Anita and asked with a humble child-like face.
"Absolutely okay dear? What happened? Is everything fine?" Anita asked.
"Dad has asthma. He lost his inhaler and isn't able to find the new one, I kept in cupboard. I wish he remains fine." the wobbling tears were clearly visible in Palak's eyes, while her fingers were restlessly patting her smartphone's back cover. 
Pranav was driving like an insane.
"He will be fine." Anita softly held Palak's hand in her and caressed her like an elder sister would do. "Listen, call your dad and keep talking to him. Just keep him in contact with you, till we reach."
Palak did the same. Pranav was still driving like an insane and took a left turn on the tiraha. Palak was on the call now, her Dad was still searching for the inhaler.
After a few minutes Palak's tensed voice said in happy shock, "You got it?... Ahh... Thank god...." She took a sigh of relief and kept the phone. Pranav and Anita too took sigh of relief and before Anita could say anything, Palak hugged her tightly, saying, "Thank you sooo much." That was too overwhelming for the first meeting. But Anita didn't feel awkward. Instead, she felt such a homely touch that she reciprocated with the same tightness.
"We've reached." Pranav spoke as he smiled, looking at the two in rear view mirror.
The car stopped. Palak got down, Pranav also was about to get down.
"No. No. Dad's fine now. You go and drop her. It's getting late." Palak immediately said.
"Are you sure?" Pranav asked.
"Yaa baba. Absolutely sure. You just go. See it has started drizzling." Palak stressed.
Well, had she called them in, all her lie would have been exposed. They would know that Dad hadn't called, inhaler wasn't lost. It was just that, today she had seen a shine at Pranav's face when he looked at Anita in the meeting and again when she opined for dropping Anita home. A shine that she had seen never before- covered yet visible, desiring yet humble, curious yet quiet, serious yet shy.
"Would you mind sitting in front?" Pranav asked Anita slowly bringing the car to halt, minutes after leaving Palak.
She just opened the door and came to the front seat without uttering a word.
"Palak's a loving girl. Great companion you have." Anita said to break the silence.
"Yup. She is extremely lovable. Thank you." He said while eyes on the moist black road with yellow-golden reflections of the roadlights. 'Lovable' itself was enough to cause envy and he added 'extremely'. Uff. Anita felt like not talking about Palak anymore. It was taking her back. But what to talk about then?
"So, you cook?" Pranav asked.
"Whatt? What kinda question is that?" she thought in her mind and it came on her face too. Pranav realised that the question can be misunderstood, so clarified.
"I mean. Will you have to go and prepare your dinner now?" Pranav asked.
"Yup." She replied formally, though wanted to sound it like 'obviously'.
"Here is a good restaurant mid-way. Would you like to have...." Pranav was shy asking but still dared to ask.
Anita was clueless. Happy and confused at the same time. She was still thinking of a reply when Pranav spoke, "Oh it's okay. I understand. It's completely okay."
"No. That's fine. We can dine together." Anita said with a formal smile while hiding three feelings underneath- one, of happiness on being able to dine with the one she had been admiring since she heard him, two, a doubt about his character on treating her this way even when there is an extremely lovable girl in his life, three, a fear of the consequences of dining with a little known person. But she confidently took the risk. They had fun talking together. However the veil of formality remained stretched. Neither tried to peep in each others' personal life.
When he left her home, he left her with scores of feelings and questions and doubts and fears. 

~Interval~

Few days later, Pranav, Palak, Anita, Tanmay and Kavita were allotted a presentation agenda and they made whatsapp group, Tanmay being the admin. Anita was asked just to help if anyone needed and learn the procedures for future presentations. That day sitting in the canteen, she looked at Pranav's DP, zooming it in and out, out of desperation. Pranav with Palak, holding each others nose, smiling innocently like kids. This image was hurting her for no genuine reason. Well, it would not be correct to say 'hurting' but it was definitely unpleasant to her. She felt like analyzing it more, but she also felt like not even looking at it. This photo seemed to her like a "road blocked ahead" sign. It was one of the many things that took her far away from Pranav. She felt like being close to Pranav when last evening in canteen he changed his order from cold coffee to hot coffee on her suggestion to avoid having it on a sore throat, but she immediately felt him out of her reach when minutes later he tasted the ice cream that Palak had made. She felt very close to Pranav when in a party at Kavita's place, he accidentally touched her fingers for calling her attention to his storyline saying, "Arey Anita. You know what happened after that?...", but she immediately felt him out of her reach when he abruptly halted his storyline, noticing Palak standing bent on the railings lonely watching the dark sky and quickly went to her, caressed her and hugged her sideways. It was not that she hated Palak, but she couldn't love her the way Palak actually deserved.
A couple of days later, in the noon Pranav asked Anita to wait after the office hours, "I shall drop you." he said.
"It's okay. I ca..." Anita was interrupted.
"No. I need to talk to you regarding the presentation." he had formally replied. Every such moment was Anita's test. She on the first note became happy at such offers, but soon drowned under guilty, disappointment and desperation. Same evening, as she went in the rest room to fetch her bag, that she had accidentally left, she heard some louder than normal voice as soon as she opened the door.
"No. I won't just let it go. I wanna know what the hell is running in your mind." The words weren't violent but they smelled anger. It was Pranav, who was angry at Palak. Both looked at Anita in shock and Palak abruptly picked up her bag and said looking at Pranav, "Thank you for what all you have done for me." and went out immediately. She tried hard to hide the sob but in vain. Pranav looked at Anita in embarrassment and helplessness. Anita stood bewildered and clueless like a wax statue. Pranav went out, but Palak was gone in a taxi. He sat down in the reception for some time, restlessly patting his foot on floor, then abruptly got up and drove away in his car. He didn't return for the next couple of hours that Anita waited for him. Disappointed Anita boarded a taxi and went back home.
She slept late, if even she slept and thus got up late next morning. 2 missed calls from Kavita. 1 whatsapp message from Pranav. And scores of unnecessary notifications. "Fine. Message first." she thought, giving herself the justification that call-first would take time, but somewhere in the depth of her heart she knew that she wanted to open the message first because it was from Pranav and it was most probably an apology.
"Sry Anita. Couldn't drop u ystrdy. Hope u'r fine." the message read.
That was dry like dust. Anita was disappointed second time in a row. She typed, "It's okay. Yaa I am fine." Then rather than sending it, deleted it and typed again, "It's ok. Yup. Fine." "Now that sounds perfectly non-bothered." she thought and sent. She then called Kavita.
"Anita!! Palak got into an accident yesterday." Kavita sounded to her like a blow on the face, on the face of utter non-bother.
"Whattt?"
"Yes dear. And people around were so insensible and they looted away all her belongings and no one bothered to help her. Had not Pranav reached in time, things would have been wors..." Kavita was almost crying. Palak was a very good friend of Kavita. She was a very good friend of everyone indeed. May be not of Anita though.
"Don't cry dear. Thank god he reached in time. She will soon be fine and join us." Anita tried to comfort her, while every moment becoming uncomfortable for the her own reply to Pranav. Finally as soon as the conversation got over, Anita opened her whatsapp just to find, Pranav's message. A thumbs up emoji. Anita, out of guilt, was thinking of a better reply when she noticed that Pranav has just come online. She escaped out of the chat like a child escapes out of the neighbourer's orchard. Just then she saw a point beside the status tab. New status. She touched it. It was Pranav. "Waiting for you to tell me what's there in your heart. Need you." Anita could feel how guilty he felt for Palak's condition. She got ready to visit Palak. Kavita and Tanmay had already come, Pranav had not even gone since the day before. They sat face turned down while Palak was continuously putting in effort to make them laugh. "Oh God! This is the second time you have hung me upside down, first being when I stole my brother's chocolates. Make this the last please. Okay?" Poor joke. Nobody laughed. Pranav just raised his head to look at her with a feeble smile. That's all. Anita quickly added to Palak's effort, "I dunno about God but I will hang you upside down if next time you try to board a taxi even on Pranav's presence." and then sounding serious she added, "He could have dropped you safely dear. He has never denied to drop you, has he?" 

Palak nodded in a 'no'. 

Pranav looked at Anita as she spoke. Pranav had. He had asked if Palak could go by herself one day. He wanted a drive with Anita, to discover possibilities between them, to see if their likes, dislikes, principles and prejudices overlapped, if not mirrored. Well, let bygone be bygone. By the way, in that very ward, the responsibilities of Palak with regards to the presentation were distributed amongst all. Thus, Anita too got some duty, for which she needed help. For some, she turned to Kavita, for some others, to Tanmay but not to Pranav. His whatsapp statuses, filled with love for his 'extremely lovable', held her back. She felt like she will be a trespasser if she approached Pranav for anything. So, she remained deprived of the expert guidance and ended up doing blunders that could very well be prevented. 

And now she stood before Pranav while he said, "You could have asked ME Anita. I am always ready to help." She couldn't speak a word. He didn't expect even. All that he aspired for was her company, which seemed un-achievable. He left towards the canteen. Anita went to the rest room and sat on a chair beside Kavita. She opened her whatspp, another status from Pranav. "Wish I could tell you how stressed I feel today. Wish u were here. Need u again." it said.

"Huh.... why don't people limit the audience of their status when they wanna make it personal." she murmured.

"Who did?" Kavita casually asked.

"Have you seen Pranav's status? For Palak?" said Anita in a satirically complaining tone.

"Why will he post for Palak? Her phone was looted that day post accident. And by the way, no status from Pranav has appeared for days now. He hasn't put up any." Kavita declared and then added casually looking at Anita, "or may be he limited the audience." Her indication was clear like water. 

"But he loves Palak." Anita stressed.

"Who doesn't love one's sister?" Kavita said rolling up her eye.

"Sister?" Anita raised her head in a reflex but immediately turning sceptical said, " but..."

"Step." Kavita replied even before she asked about their separate residences.

"His father died early. Mother married another man. The new father grew him up lovingly but after Pranav got a job, he used to have thorough arguments with him frequently and annoyed at this, he left home" she narrated.

Anita was drowning in herself with guilt and shame. She looked at Kavita with the fear that now all the rubbish that she had thought will be exposed.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. I am good at keeping secrets." she assured her.

Indeed she was. She didn't tell anyone how lonely Palak, her best friend, felt after Pranav's inclination towards Anita. That when Palak, who was told "You can definitely go when I am not anymore the only person who will 'love' you this much. After your 'marriage' my sweetie.", was asked to go by herself, felt that her share of love had diminished. She did not tell anyone that when a brother who always used to say, "Arrey cold cuts cold.", just licked a little, the ice cream that his sister had made for him, it hurt Palak. She didn't tell anyone what all Palak had told her with a calm face but running tears.

Though she remembered it all, "What is love Kavita? It's time. Because to show love you will have to invest time. But unfortunately, we have just 24 hours everyday. This never increases. But people we come across do increase in number. So, simple math. Constant value divided by bigger number, thus smaller result. And then comes a variable, alone, with very high value and the result..... ah.... It feels so empty for me as if I have got more than 24 hours but no one to spend it with."

"If that is the truth of life, try accepting it dear." Kavita had emotionally said wiping Palak's tears.

"I will." Palak had replied.

However, the changes in a relation are always visible, especially the abrupt ones. Visible everytime, to everyone.

Few days later, Palak got a 'get well soon' bouquet with a card. The card was so valuable that she kept it under her pillow with her family photo. It had a quote by Rabrindranath Tagore, "Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom."

Who gave the bouquet? Even I have no idea.