Breath in a Jar

As he was seeing off Kalpesh ji, Suraj could feel the feverish warmth of his breath on his upper lip. Back in the room, he sat down on the sofa completely exhausted. Then he slowly turned to look at the bundle of crispy bank notes kept on the table. Four lakh rupees. The advance payment for the house that he was sitting in. He blinklessly looked at the walls, that had never before caught such a long attention. The walls hid several memories under several coats of paint. He remembered how his mother took a fake revenge on the wall, when he as a toddler accidently got hit in head. He remembered how his father had yelled at him on doing maths rough work on the wall. He was affectionately looking at those very walls when Tanu called him, softly placing her hand on his shoulder, "Suraj!! Suraj!!" He abruptly came out of the daydream and looked at Tanu, with his wobblingly transparent eyes. Tanu too was broken, but she knew that emotionally consoling Suraj at this moment would actually make him weak and so clearing her throat, she said, "There was a call from the hospital. I told them, the money is ready."

"Hmm. Ok" Suraj sounded like a typical asthma patient with all energy exhausted in speaking just an 'ok'.

Not until the previous Saturday had he thought of doing this. Rather he had slightly hinted the hospital staff of his financial limitations. Same evening he had got a call from an NGO named "Deerghaayu", asking for commitment of heart donation by his patient. He had even said a 'yes'.

But when he had conveyed his intention to Simmi bua over call the next day, "We are planning to bring him home, Bua!! We don't have enough money to continue the treatment."

She had angrily replied, "Why no money? The house belongs to him. Won't it fetch some thiry forty lakh rupees?" 

And that call was just a spark, that generated the fire of calls from all relatives, far and near, each one giving him moral lessons on how one should sacrifice everything for ailing parents, no matter what happens in the end.

It was Babuji, who was on the ventilator but the asphyxia could be felt by Suraj and Tanu. The savings had already been spent and now it was the turn of the house. Thankfully, Kalpesh ji agreed to pay some advance and was even ready to wait for registry.

Simmi Bua's reply was echoing Suraj's skull as he asked Tanu to fill the money in a black, opaque bag. He took the bag, put on the helmet and left for the hospital.

At the hospital, he could see from the transparent section of the ICCU, his father lying on the ventilator without any motion, without any feel of life. But he was alive, so much that doctors had expressed his chances of being saved with a month or two of treatment. And for these 'chances' Suraj couldn't take any chance with Babuji's treatment. Suraj deposited in the counter, the four lakh rupees- the charge of a month of treatment. 

Just when he was about to leave the counter...

"Is that Suraj?" A recognizable voice called.

Suraj immediately turned and with a happy surprise exclaimed, "Ritwik!!!"

His heart pushed him for a hug but his mind quickly reminded him of Ritwik's rude statement.

Half a decade ago, Ritwik had told another common friend Abhay that Suraj stays with him for his money. No doubt, Ritwik was hell rich and had helped Suraj at a number of occasions but one thing was for sure- Suraj was with Ritwik not for his money. Not at all. And so Suraj retreated and slowly brought their friendship to a peaceful demise.

Today, that six metres distance seemed like a thousand miles and only a clarification could yield some results. But who would move forward. Big question. Why would Ritwik? He did not rip the friendship apart. Rather he did not even know why it happened?

Why would Suraj? Afterall it was a matter of his self respect. 

But both were boiling from within, not with the heat of anger but with the urge to talk. Finally both spoke together, "Hello" and Ritwik extended his hand in an abrupt unconscious motion. Suraj waited for a while. Ritwik thought it would be better to retract but as soon as he started taking his hand back Suraj quickly moved forward and held his hand. They were meeting like some departing passengers at the end of the journey- familiar but formal.

After some formal exchanges-

"How is Abhay?" asked Suraj with a possessive fear that Ritwik would fondly respond.

"Who? That fraud? Oh! I completely terminated all contacts with him. He tried to instigate Saina against me. Just imagine!! My wife against me. Huh. Had she not talked to me clearly, it may have resulted in us departing."

Suraj heard this with wide opened eyes and after a while, said with face down, "Like it did with us."

"Whaaatt?" Ritwik was shocked, "Did he say something to you as well?"

"I am your friend because of your money. He told me that you said this." Suraj said in a complaining tone but not enthusiastically because it was overshadowed with his own guilt of believing on this statement straightaway.

"And you believed? How could you, Suraj! That was something HE said to me. All I did wrong was that I did not reprimand him and kept silent with the thought that there is not use of teaching morals to him." Ritwik paused, sighed and continued, "Had I not done this mistake, we would have still been friends, Right?", and again after a taking a deep breath, "You were my friend not because I was rich. Rather I was rich because I had a friend like you. If only I could have told you this. I'm sorry."

"No! My fault. How could I believe on such rubbish." Suraj replied immediately.

Both were flowing in emotions. They hugged and patted each other. That was the best thing that happened to Suraj in that hospital.

"So? Why here?" Ritwik asked Suraj.

"Oh! Some gastric problem. And you?" Suraj abrubtly made it up.

"Some skin issues." Ritwik replied.

Reaching home, he told Tanu about the reunion with Ritwik.

"Did you tell him about Babuji?" she asked curiously.

"No. It isn't okay to tell him now. It will look like I re-friended him just to take advantage." Suraj said.

"But don't you think, he will be angry with you, on knowing this later?" she immediately questioned.

Before he could answer her, Suraj's phone rang. It was from the NGO "Deerghaayu".

Suraj explained them that he has resumed the treatment, "I will keep him alive with whatever resources I have got."

The volunteer tried to convince him, "Sir! You are not keeping him alive. You are just preventing him from dying. We have examined his reports. Treatments won't yield anything."

But Suraj stood firm on his decision and bluntly replied, "The donation commitment remains as such, but the treatment will continue", and kept the phone.

This donation thing. Howsoever, pious it may be, it was giving Suraj extra stress. Thus, Suraj avoided the next few calls from the NGO in the evening.

Early next morning, Ritwik called, "Could you please come to the hospital, Suraj??"

"Wh....y? Is everything okay?" Suraj asked fearing that Ritwik may have got to know about Babuji.

"Yaa almost... till now. Can you come?" He replied.

"Yaa. Sure." And Suraj immediately went to the hospital, slightly worried, that his lie could potentially dent their just mended friendship.

Reaching the hospital he went straight to Babuji's ICCU, but Ritwik couldn't be seen anywhere around. He called Ritwik back. Ritwik called him in a private ward.

As he opened the door, he saw Ritwik lying on the patient's bed and a little four years old girl sitting near his shoulder, busy munching her kitkat. As he entered he could see a lady, most probably Saina on the chair. Her eyes were swollen and hairs tied yet messy.

Ritwik asked him to sit and then started explaining.

"Just an year after my marriage, I was diagnosed with an irreparable issue in my heart. Had I known it earlier, I wouldn't have spoilt her life by marrying her." As he indicated Saina, she began to cry again. Ritwik continued, " We asked for heart donation through an NGO and was about to get it soon, but seems the potential donor's treatment has been resumed and so, I have a request to make." 

Suraj was shattered into pieces. He needed a couple to minutes to come out of the shock and concentrate on Ritwik's request.

"Why did you not tell me before?" Suraj spoke in a heavy, barely audible voice and then lowered his head in helplessness.

"I am sorry." Ritwik innocently replied and then said, "Will you do something for me?"

Suraj couldn't say a 'yes' even, because he knew what Ritwik was about to say.

Ritwik said, "In case this defective heart of mine stops working before the donation, just provide a helping hand to my family whenever they need."

Saina abruptly got up and moved out, hiding her unstoppable tears.

Ritwik again humbly said, "Suraj!! Take Pihu with you for a moment and send Saina in, please."

"Hmm. Ok." Suraj offered his palm to the little girl, who with his father's permission, kept her little, soft hand gently in Suraj's big palm. He took her out of the hospital to the nearby market. Every second moment, the little girl would say, "Papa paas chlein?" (Shall we go back to Papa now)

It was actually hard to distract her into sweets and toys. However, at a soft toy store she paused for a while. Suraj immediately took her in.

"Let's buy a big teddy for cute Pihu." saying this he tickled Pihu. She laughed and said, "I want that" stretching her arms with all her strength to indicate the big furry heart at the top. The shopkeeper began to bring it down and Suraj took out his wallet to pay but just then the little girl innocently shouted, "Noooo!! Not that one. Thaaaat one" she indicated on the palm sized heart peeping from behind the big heart. The shopkeeper popped it out and handed it to Pihu. She while sitting on the counter placed it on Suraj's chest and said, "This will fit Papa. Isn't it, Uncle?"

Suraj stood there frozen. Speechless. And then gathering his breath, said, "Why not? Little angel."

That after noon, the food was adamant not to get down Suraj's throat. Tanu folded a piece of chapatti, dipped it in curry and took it close to his mouth, saying innocently, "For me? Please."

He opened his mouth, took the food in and lay down keeping his head in her lap, sobbing like a kid. She caressed his hair. And he slowly fell asleep. Softly wiping his tears with her soft cotton dupatta, she transfered him smoothly to a pillow and went to do other household chores, slightly shutting the doorpanes behind her. Moments later she felt that Suraj is talking to someone over call but soon after she heard no voice. She thought, "he must have fallen asleep again." 

But he had not. When an hour later she too thought to retire for a while, she felt the door latched from inside. She pushed it. No result. It was actually locked. She rushed to the window, calling, "Suraj!!! Suraj!!!" She pushed the window pane with all effort. The restlessness increased with every second. The window pane opened enough to give a view of the inside. A loop of the her Saari hung from the ceiling fan, the stool was placed over the bed. Her heart came to mouth. Suraj couldn't be seen. She ran again to the door, now shouting louder, "Surajjjj!!!!" and banging the door. Her bangles broke and pierced her skin, but that didn't stop her from banging.

Suraj abruptly opened the door and held her mouth with his palm. She started hitting him with all strength she had and then hugged him tight as if someone would take him away from her.

"Why?" She said with a cry.

Suraj helplessly sat down and said, "I lost my job. They are reducing the strength of the staff. So..."

Tanu too sat down saying, "But you will find a new one. Why do you worry?" and held his hand. She noticed a paper in his hand and he noticed the blood on her forearm. Suraj immediately went to bring alum from the kitchen and meanwhile Tanu read the paper.

It read,

"This is with complete free will that I am taking this step. No one, far or near, is responsible for my death. A responsibility for Tanu. After I die, donate this heart of mine to Ritwik and get this house sold. A little responsibility for Ritwik too. With the money that is obtained, please do two things- Babu ji's treatment and Tanu's marriage. Get a good family for my wife. She deserves one.

I quit."

She looked at Suraj as he came with the alum. Tanu said, "Will you fulfill a responsibility before all this?"

He did not even dare to say yes, he simply looked at Tanu, who continued, "Bring a bottle of poison for me. I will come behind you."

"Don't say that again." Suraj immediately hugged her tight and promised not to take that step. Then, very gently he treated Tanu's wounds.

After a while she said with her chin still on his chest, "When will you take me to meet Ritwik's family?"

And so, Suraj went to freshen up and Tanu too got ready. 

At the hospital, Pihu was sitting in Tanu's lap, while Tanu was talking to Saina. Ritwik and Suraj were busy discussing old days.

Suraj got a call from the hospital. He went out of the ward and picked the call.

"Mr Suraj. Please come to the hospital as soon as possible."

"I am at the hospital itself. What happened madam?" Suraj said.

"Sorry sir! We couldn't save your father. He shows no signs of life. You may take him." Suraj exhaled, warm and heavy. His throat was full. He could feel his eyes were getting heavy. But he could breathe- deep and full. It was as if his breath was trapped in a jar and this news released the cap of the jar. He wiped his tears and came back in.

Tanu seemed to know what had just happened. Her eyes were teary yet smiling and Ritwik's family was happy beyond expression.

Tanu said, "A good news. Ritwik bhaiya will get his heart very soon now."

Suraj couldn't express any one emotion. He just remained stoic while tears flowed effortlessly. Sometimes it is very difficult to judge the tears.

Tanu knew that these tears were themselves confused about their origin. However, she herself was the origin of these tears. She had called the NGO the previous day, when Suraj went to freshen up. She had explained him everything and asked for the solution. The volunteer went to the hospital and had found that they were using Suraj's father's body for easy money. He warned them of legal steps. And then what happened led to these confused tears.

As Suraj sat on the chair in Ritwik's ward, little Pihu came close to him and asked, "Uncle! Now will you buy that teddy for me?"