Turning back to past

It was 14th February. Rashmi was busy munching her tangy potato chips sitting on a cemented chair on the platform number 4 of the Aligarh station. The platform was almost empty. The track appeared to begin and end nowhere. The cables seemed levitating because the poles could not be seen. The chill on the nose tip made her feel nose-less.

"I mean really? Look at this. It should have been spring by now. Global warming? Where is it? I suppose Trump was right?" She babbled to herself. 

"What a stupid thought? Oh Shut up, Rashmi!" she reprimanded herself. Her phone buzzed. It was a railway update.

"The train number..... is running late by two hours and is scheduled to arrive at 07:40. We regret the inconvenience."

"Thank you." she murmured to herself irritatingly and then looked at the time. 7:10. Still half an hour to wait.

After a while, she thought, "What if the loco pilot gets disoriented by the fog and rams the train into the platform?"

"What a stupid-der thought? Can you please be imaginative, and not idiotic?" She scolded herself again. Though, Rashmi was sane most of the times, loneliness plus idleness made her think of the stupidest things. She hoped if she had someone to talk to, she may be a little less stupid.

Just then from the fog, she figured out someone coming with a trolley bag, pulling it effortlessly. Tall stature, head covered with the stylish hood of jacket, heroic gait....

"What if he hides a dagger under his sleeve and stabs me and disappears in the fog?" Her imagination was taking dangerously high leaps. But as soon as she saw the man, she was taken by surprise. She recognized those eyes, which she had first seen through the entry counter of the interschool competition and then all through the event whenever she stole a chance to. The face too wasn't much different save for the beard, the moustache and the hardness in skin. It was Vidyut. Vidyut Sharma. Or may be Vidyut Verma. Or Vidyut Vishwakarma. Oh whatever.

"Can I keep them down?" He asked, pointing at her bags, without a trace of the feeling that he recognized her. 

"How would he? He never tried to look at me the way I did" she thought. 

Moreover, Rashmi had changed so much- from a tomboyish girl to a beautiful lady.

Rashmi was still looking at him with her mask and hoody on.

"Excuse mee!! Can I put them d...." He repeated.

"Oh sure. Sure." She was embarrassed for keeping all her three bags on the long chair, meant for human beings, and thus, quickly started removing them. Vidyut helped her and then sat down, maintaining a social distance with her. As he plugged in his earphones and closed his eyes swinging very mildly on the beat of the song, Rashmi kept stealing looks at him.

"Why is he not wearing a mask? So irresponsible" her valetudinarian-self thought.

"I won't have recognized him had he worn a mask." her nostalgic-self immediately replied.

"I could recognize him just by his eyes..." her romantic-self blushingly stated.

Well, coming out of the thought, she stood up walked to the edge of the platform casually to look if the train was anywhere to be seen (by the way, she was well aware it was not to be seen; but isn't it something most of us do?) and turned back just that he may, for once, look at her again and may be, recognize her. He, by chance, opened his eyes, looked at her but only with a reluctant smile- the typical of a co-passenger.

She reciprocated with a willful smile but to no avail.

She went and sat on her seat and decided to make it explicit.

"Vidyut?" She said.

But Vidyut didn't budge. The music was loud enough to overflow from the earphones. Rashmi scratched her neck in nervousness and then very shyly, with the minimum touch possible, patted him on his shoulder. He quickly pulled out one earphone and turned towards her. She smilingly said, "Vidyut? Right?"

Vidyut at once pulled out another earphone and surprisingly said, "Yess!! But who is this?"

"Oh! You still don't recognize me?" said Rashmi in disappointment.

"I'm so sorry but that mask..." he indicated in a low voice.

"Uh..oh. I just forgot" Rashmi realized that the real culprit was her mask and not his memory. She pulled it out, though saying, "still you may not recog...."

"Hey Rashmiii!! Mother Teresa School?? The girl at the entrance counter...Oh my god... That's a drastic change.... You look so beau...." He was completely taken aback. And so was she.

"You recognized me?? I look so? what?? Hmm??" She stressed.

"You look so....different. I mean... Well... How will I not recognize you... You were one of the most responsible volunteers in that event. I could see you doing something or the other every time." He added.

"You ever saw me?? I thought it was always me who stole looks at you..." She thought but didn't say.

"That's so kind of you to think that way." She humbly replied.

They smiled and there was silence for a while, after which Vidyut said, "So, to where am I getting this warm company?"

The sentence had a magic. He did not ask, "Where are you heading to?" or "What is your destination?"

He mentioned 'warm company'. It really had some magic.

"Depends, if your destination comes before mine. If not, then Patna. I am off for a book distribution campaign." Rashmi replied and asked, "And you?"

"I am off to strike a deal for my company. The client will tell where to meet." Replied Vidyut.

"What? That's weird." Replied Rashmi in surprise.

"Yes, but anything for the job." Vidyut shruged and added, "This client is actually very interesting. Half of the month she is on transit. So, I decided to catch her in the journey itself." Explained Vidyut, for no reason. Even he didn't know why he was effortlessly explaining her everything.

"Seems a crucial deal. Hmm." Rashmi stressed.

"Worth millions..." he smilingly said.

The hailer disrupted the conversation, "For your kind attention please train number....."

Soon, the train arrived. Vidyut quickly helped Rashmi with the luggage.

"Is it all books?" He asked with the momentary exhaustion of lifting the bags to keep them into the train.

"Almost" she replied with a smile and added, "Thanks."

They reached in just to find chaos in the coupé.

"But that is not your berth, Beta!! Don't act like a child." A lady was scolding his 15 year old son.

That was Vidyut's berth. "That's mine. What happened?" He asked the lady.

"Just look at him Beta! He is my son. He wants to sleep on the upper berth while he has this lower one.

"Listen young man!!..." Vidyut called the boy, "it will be better if..." But just then he saw Rashmi pushing her trolley bags under the berth in the same coupé.

"You here??" He asked with just an eye gesture.

She blinked and sat down on the opposite lower berth with full right.

Vidyut's decision took a U-turn.

"Aunty let him stay there. I am okay with the lower berth." He said to the lady. The lady looked with a suspicious face first at Vidyut, then at Rashmi and then scoffed, "As you wish."

And thus Rashmi and Vidyut sat facing each other but not actually. Rashmi intentionally engaged herself in a book while Vidyut was busy in his laptop.

Rashmi was reading a novel by Veronica while Vidyut was reading about Veronica on internet. The connection was not very good because of the moving train, the images buffered but thankfully the text was available. A message arrived on his mobile.

"Found her number.**********.

All the best (a heart emoji)"

He immediately messaged the new number on whatsapp. "Hi Veronica!"

Just then Rashmi worriedly called him, "Vidyut! Blood!" and asked indicating his hind arm, "Do you have a wound?"

"Hmm? Oh ya! I will just wipe it off." and he folded his sleeves to expose the wound just above the elbow, pulled some cotton from the side pocket of his bag and struggled to wipe the wound without even being able to see it. The wound was really really painful. Rashmi's sympathy quickly turned into empathy and she got up, took the cotton from his hand and began wiping the wound with utmost care. He, out of a loving surprise kept looking at her. 

He saw that the cut on her right eyebrow was healed but the hairs had abandoned that thin line. He remembered how he had run to pick her up in the school function when she had fallen unconscious as the pillar of a stall fell striking her forehead. As he held her in his arms and blood flowed through her forehead seeping into his shirt, his eyes were wet for the first time on someone else's pain. It was then that he had realized he more than just 'liked' her. But he could never gather the courage to say her.

Even today, his heart pumped faster, his fingers wanted to travel through her hairs, his thumb wanted to lovingly touch that eyebrow, his breath wanted to warm her eyelids but he quickly pushed the 'switch off' button on all of them. But just then he felt a drop of tear fall on his elbow.

"I would have stopped you from picking my bags had I known about this wound." she said in a heavy voice with her warm breath striking his hind arm.

"Hey nooo. I picked them up with 'this' hand." and he quickly yet delicately pulled her chin up with the index finger of the other hand.

She was surprised by the touch and jerked a little away from his hand in a reflex. Vidyut realized it himself and quickly removed his hand in embarrassment. She continued the dressing without further expressing any emotion but inside she was melting. Melting with the urge to tell Vidyut that he was not just his crush; with the urge to tell him that the touch was just surprising, not hurting; with the urge to tell him that she loved him by heart. But she switched off all these urges and sat down back on her berth, trying hard to engage herself in the book again. Vidyut too tried to take his eyes off her and thus looked at his whatsapp. No reply from Veronica. He again looked at her. The embarrassment was somewhat choking him. He had never felt such a guilt before. So, he somehow gathered the courage to say, "Hey listen. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay." she smilingly said, as if she too was waiting for the conversation to start.

He smiled back in satisfaction.

She said, "So, how do you feel meeting someone you knew long ago?"

"It's actually adventurous. You need to rediscover them. Their traits, tendencies etc." He replied excitedly.

"But why? The fundamental of a person remains the same." she argued.

"You never know. Everybody has a past you may not know about." he argued back.

"Past... is a past." said she and then added after a pause, "unless you want to carry it along."

"Wow. That sounds like a line from a novel." He laughed and added, "But what about a beautiful past that one somehow foregoes and then it meets him again after a decade at the railway station."

"Very funny." she said in a taunt, as jitters of love and shyness struck her belly.

They talked for fairly long time discussing the interschool competition.

"Well, you guys cheated in the skit event. We were told only 5 objects allowed on stage. You guys used almost fifteen of them" Vidyut lamented.

"Oh please! Stop it! Tell me if there were even six objects on the stage AT A TIME." Rashmi defended with attitude.

"But that was not the rule, was it? " Vidyut replied in child-like anger, as if they still were in the school. The child-like arguments slowly made them more comfortable with each other. They shared lunch and refreshments. But more than that they shared a feeling for each other which both were afraid to speak up. 

It was a pure valentine day feeling for both, except for the moments when Vidyut repeatedly picked up his phone in curiosity and impatience to check something and kept it back in disappointment.

"Is everything alright?" Rashmi asked in worry.

"My client isn't replying to my message." He replied.

"Oh!" she sympathized and suggested, "Why don't you call her?"

"That's a good idea. Thanks. Give me a moment." he requested and moved out of the coupe and called the person who had sent him Veronica's number.

"She didn't reply. I don't think I can get this done today..... Offo, don't you know why I can't call her? Don't you remember the rule? No audio/video exchanges." Vidyut said and kept the phone.

And then came back to his berth. Rashmi was scribbling something on the first page of the book that she was reading. She quickly kept it aside when he arrived. But Vidyut pretended not to be curious about it.

"So? She responded?" Rashmi asked.

"No, she didn't pick the call" said Vidyut sadly but then added, "No worries though. I shall get this deal done, if not today, then some other day."

"That's the spirit. I am proud of you..." Rashmi excitedly said but abruptly paused to add, "as a friend."

And then she shyly faced the window, but the darkness had engulfed the scenery outside. It was 9.30pm and Patna was the next stoppage.

"So? My destination is soon to come. What about you?" Rashmi asked somewhat emotionally.

"I will go to my friend in Asansol." Vidyut replied and then asked, "Someone's coming to pick you up?"

"Yup. My friend Aman" she replied and just then her phone rang, "Yes Aman.... What? The outer?.. Yes I know.. Okay I shall get down there itself if the train halts... Oh sure! I shall call you immediately."

And then keeping the phone she explained Vidyut, "The hotel is closer from a place before the Patna station. If the train stops at that Outer for a while, I shall get down there itself."

As he nodded in agreement, Vidyut could feel the heaviness of departure. The heaviness was more because his professional and personal life were both undergoing a test of time. He was sure that the client was on the train and had resolved to find her but he failed. And he so much wanted to confess to Rashmi what he had always felt about her and also that meeting her just strengthened that feeling today, but he was failing in that too. He sighed, took a deep breath and then clearing his throat asked, "Will you miss me?" His tone was neither too emotional, nor too casual. He tried to keep it just friendly.

"I have missed you for a decade." Rashmi had glassy eyes as she thought this, but making her tone friendly casual, she said, "Of course! It was nice talking to you. Will you...."

"Can I get your number?" Vidyut asked in excitement before she could complete her question.

"Sure. It is **...**...**" Vidyut typed in his phone as she said the numbers, two at a time.

Vidyut was shaken to the core, his eyes became teary red as he said with a heavy voice, "Could you please repeat the number?"

"Sure. **********" Rashmi said and then looked outside to judge the speed of train, which seemed to slow down. It was because of this, she didn't notice Vidyut's eyes. She said, still eyes on window, with a tone of confident prediction, "It will stop at the outer. Okay. So, here is something I want to......."

Vidyut couldn't understand a word after this. He was too absorbed in the deadly surprise to give attention to anything else. He looked at number on the dialpad and then at the name it matched to, "Veronica". The surrounding went numb for him. After a while, he just saw Rashmi offering him a book; the one that she was reading and the one on which she had scribbled.

He changed his expression in a fraction of second. He was the master of it. He could jump from anger-face to smile-face, cunning to innocent-face and emotional to casual-face. After all, his job demanded it. Thus, he took the book with a smile and as he slowly lifted the coverpage to read underneath, Rashmi began to hurriedly gather her luggage. This didn't give Vidyut a chance to read the note and he shut the book and quickly started helping Rashmi.

Vidyut was going through extreme dilemma like situation. It was not just dilemma. On one hand was her old friend Rashmi, whom he loved by heart, on the other hand was a client, Veronica, with whom the deal had to be signed as soon as possible. He was not allowed to love his client. His personal life was causing a hindrance in his professional life and his professional life was threatening to engulf his personal desires. The choice was hard, the time was less. 

The train stopped. It was pitch dark. Vidyut could see only a dim flickering light of an approaching train, still far away. The light of the coupe of their static train fell on the tracks making them dull silvery. Vidyut quickly got down and helped Rashmi take the bags to the other side of the tracks. And when she was carrying the last bag, Vidyut stood at the door of the train looking at the departing Rashmi. With each step of Rashmi crossing tracks, he could see himself lose. And he was not used to loss, especially in professional life. With a click in mind he quickly took out his phone and sent Veronica a Whatsapp message and then called out, "Rashmiiii!! Just check your whatsapp once, Please."

Rashmi opened her whatsapp, standing where she was.

The message was-

"Hi Veronica.

It's Vidyut.

Will you be my Valentine?"

She stood frozen in despair yet tried to speak with a heavy throat, "I wish I could say a yes. Do read the note in the book." but her voice slowly was suppressed under the horn of the arriving train, the driver of which was trying hard to make her realize that she was on the wrong track. But it was extremely late when she realized. The train engulfed her in whole. Not even her cry could be heard. Only the metallic thumping of the train, the cruel indifferent thumping. People worriedly shouted from the coupe itself. Vidyut first stood stunned and then got down, shouting like an insane, "Rashmiiiii.... Rashmiiiii"

But not a trace of Rashmi was to be seen. Only a few drops of blood stuck on the train; the blood that had once brought tears in Vidyut's eyes when the injured Rashmi was in his arms. The train slowly began to drift, while he still roamed around the dark tracks in search of Rashmi. People shouted in panic from inside the train,

"Get on the train. Come in fast."

Disappointed and hopeless, Vidyut got on the train. Co-passangers gave him water and consoled him. And after they left him to rest, he opened his phone and opened the chat with the person who had sent Veronica's number.

Vidyut wrote down smilingly cunningly within, "Deal done."

Within a minute, 10 lakh rupees were transferred to his account. Afterall, Veronica was the key witness in the Drug Triangle Case.

Vidyut rested himself on the pillow and slowly opened the coverpage of the book and read the note, "If that past you met on station is too sweet to forego, you may try making her your future. But apologies in advance for my denial. I may not say a yes because there is no expectation of longevity in my life. I may be killed anytime."

He took a deep breath, closed the book and opened his phone. A new message had arrived.

"Next deal in Asansol.

Offered- 20 lakhs.

Interested?"

"Yup" He replied.